Introducing the Dark Art-chetypes Let’s face it, we’re all shitty communicators when we’re mad. Yes, dear reader, even you. Even me, the Queen of Authenticity. I’m extra “authentic” when I’m angry. I have so many feelings that need to be spoken, so many logical arguments for why I’m right, so muc...

Researching Through the Noise   When we began designing The Art of Difficult Conversations, we thought we’d be curating from a deep and credible field. Conflict, after all, is hardly a new subject. The literature goes back actual millennia. Entire professions exist to manage it, mediato...

  In early 2022, Sara and I got a call from Rebel Wisdom. They had a problem: their community, despite being unusually bright, dangerously curious, and predisposed to that greatest of libertarian vices: solipsism, didn’t really know how to talk to each other. Their community was founded...

How to fight your dad - and win “You’re a failure,” he screamed at me. Red faced, spit flying from his mouth, hands balled into fists as he stared me down. “You never amounted to anything. And you don’t come home to visit!” I took a breath. Then I yelled back, just as loudly. “Don’t you want me t...

How does state-dependent learning affect skill-building? Imagine this. You take a well-regarded communications course and learn the skills of curiosity, empathy, and self-expression. You come home and use the skills with your partner, which they love. Until…things go wrong. You’ve been practicing...

Clear conflicts before they explode.   Sometimes, I get angry with people and think they’re wrong. I know, shocking. As a communications teacher I should be immune to such emotions. But we tend to teach the things we’re bad at. And I am a sensitive, cranky human. For a long time I swung between t...