by Jeff Jones
As I glanced over the names of the lessons in Module Six, I knew this would be a juicy one for me.
I have a tendency to be a real “go with the flow” kind of guy, so taking agency in group situations, or even in a one-on-one situation has always been a challenge for me. I’m usually pretty good at seeing what I’d like to be different, but when it comes to speaking up, I get easily choked up by my fears of being a burden or getting shut down. Who knew that a tiny change in my process could make such a big difference.
The change I speak of is simply speaking my “why” — and not just speaking my why, but actually understanding it. Let me explain. Sometimes when emotions and tensions are running high, I have a tendency to blurt out things I want without truly understanding why I want them. For example, sometime my partner and I have differing opinions on what event, gathering, workshop, etc to attend, and when these events mean something to us, a lack of participation from the other can be painful. What I’ve found is that getting in touch for the real reason that I’d like her with me is powerful for both of us. This week's lessons taught me to step back and see if the real reasons for me wanting her there even require her to be there, or if it’s something larger like wanting to feel more support or connectedness. Then, when I spoke my actual “why” she got to feel more connected to my desires and sensitive to them. And I felt that too even though she didn't meet them in that moment. All-in-all a much more desirable outcome for all.