A Framework for Better Relationships: The Shift List

Uncategorized Dec 02, 2021

How do you know you need to make a shift in your relational life?

Maybe it's a sense of vague dissatisfactionYou're not necessarily screaming to escape, but you're certain that there's something that could be better. 

Or, you're 100% certain that things just aren't functional. Maybe even borderline dysfunctional.

Today we're sharing the process that we at AuthRev designed to transform existential malaise into powerful relationships. This process has revolutionized how hundreds of people deal with that heavy sense of inertia that can keep us feeling "stuck" -- because "stuck" is really just another word for "in need of a helpful framework".

We've got your back.

Meet: The Shift List!

When you're ready, get out a pen and paper.

Step 1: Identify Your Drainers

First, let’s list the the things that drain your energy, your joy, your zest for life. Set a timer and for the next 3 minutes, think about your life. Walk through a normal day, or a normal week, and consider: what environments and people around you do you wish would be more nourishing? Which sap your energy, so you feel less alive when you exit the interaction? Try to think of the specific qualities these things have that drain you. The more specific you can get, the more specifically you can address them in your Shift List. Is it that, with your co-worker, you never get a word in edgewise? Or that your partner always seems dissatisfied?

3 minutes. Go!


Step 2: Identify Your Desires

Now, take 2 minutes to think about your Desires. Are there particular people or groups or relationships you don’t currently have in your life that you wish you did? For example, a community of people that you feel comfortable around, or friends that will help you accomplish a goal, or a collaborative work team. Are there support systems you wish you had? Connections?

2 minutes,  begin!


Step 3: Identify Your Shifts

The final and perhaps most important contemplation will be to choose three relationships or relational situations in your life that you want to change. This will be your “shift list”, the situations you’ll work on improving with intention and focus. Examples could be the quality of a relationship you have, how you feel at work, what your social circle talks about, etc. Be realistic in your shifts, but don’t limit yourself to only those that seem easy to change. Be as specific as possible. You want to be able to return to your Shift List and measure later how the situations have changed.

Again, your Shift List items should be some area where you’d like to improve your relating, communication, interacting, or quality of connection with specific other human beings in your life!

Here are some examples:

  • Improve my relationship and relating with my boss. Find better ways to be with her when we are in disagreement. Have more courage in speaking my ideas and not holding back my contribution.
  • Learn how to create connection in conversations that feel one-sided or overly informational. Particularly with my friends Mary, Tom, and Lisa, with whom often I often end up feeling overwhelmed or trapped or even bored in our conversations.
  • Be more authentic and vulnerable with my mother. Do not give up so quickly when I share something and do not feel seen by her.
  • Deepen my connection with my partner, Richard. Understand what is causing us to fight, and find ways for us to stay connected even when we are triggered.

Set a timer for 3-5 minutes and go to town. Remember- you can always adjust them later, but what feels top-of-mind is often the most ready for a shift!

Once you have your Shifts listed out, put them somewhere you'll see on a regular basis. Keep them present in your attention and put some honest effort into making small steps in their direction, every day. They probably won't shift in a single day, but with consistent awareness and effort, shifts happen!

Get structured support and guidance with your Shift List through the Authentic Life Course!

Let our experienced Coach guide you through the process of taking your list from a concept on paper to real-life implementation. Our flagship 7-week program offers actionable tools that you can apply to your Shift List to weave Authentic Relating through your life -- not just your time in the course.

You'll go deep with a cohort of like-minded folks who are also there to bring more authenticity into their lives. You'll not only learn the skills, but you'll practice them. And you'll have access to our skilled, highly experienced Coach as well as weekly office hours with AuthRev founder Sara Ness.

We start on December 11th! Click here to register.

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