What are Authentic Relating Games?

Communication can be fun and easeful!

AR Games were created to give you a playbook for how to begin relating on an authentic level.

Often communication starts and stops because we feel unsure about how to approach it, what to say, or what to ask. Turning communication into a game provides a guiding structure and set of agreements for everyone involved. This removes a lot of the stress and anxiety from connection, and adds in an inviting element of play.

AR Games (played with 2 or more people) are designed to take you from:

Surface level answers to → Sharing what’s really going on

Feeling disconnected to → Feeling a real bond

Not knowing what to say to→ A connected in-flow conversation

Lack of understanding to→ Gaining helpful insights about each other.

Playing these games help build skills for any relationship: Romantic partnerships, families, roommates, friends, community groups, teams, and clientele.

Below are a few of our most basic Authentic Relating games. We invite you to find a group near you (or online) or simply dive in and try them out with someone in your life!

The Noticing Game

Directions: Two people stand or sit directly across from each other, making eye contact. One person is A and the other is B. A goes first.

A begins: “Sitting/standing here with you, I notice…”
B responds, “Hearing that, I notice…”

Go back and forth: “Hearing that, I notice… Hearing that, I notice…” for 2-5 minutes.

Note: YOU CAN SHARE OBSERVATIONS, THOUGHTS, SENSATIONS, FEELINGS… You can share ANYTHING you’re noticing inside this structure of “A” and “B” going back and forth.

"Would You"

The intent of this game is to tune into desire, whether or not you receive what you’re wanting. That includes recognizing the desire to NOT fulfill a given request. It also includes being aware of what you want, even if you think it isn’t something you can get. I love playing this on dates!

Directions: In pairs, choose an A and a B. A has a few minutes (5-10 works well) to ask for exactly what they want from, or with B in the moment. Requests can be physical, mental, or emotional (“Would you tell me what you think about me? Would you give me a back rub? Would you tell me about your childhood?”).

Bs have the option to either fulfill the request, say no, or make a counter-offer.

As keep making requests until their time is up, and should be encouraged to keep asking for specifics until they get exactly what they want, provided B wants to give it.

Truths

Directions: Two people stand or sit directly across from each other, making eye contact. One person is A and the other is B. A goes first.

A begins: "_______(person B's name), I have a truth for you. Are you available to hear it?"

B responds: “I’m open to it” or "I'm not open to it."

If B is open, A shares: “_____(person B’s name), when you ________ (name a particular, unarguable moment or experience), I felt _______(share an emotion).”
B responds, “Thank you.”

Go back and forth sharing truths for as much time as you have available.

Note: You can share truths and/or appreciations following this same format.

Watermelon

Directions: Two people stand or sit facing each other. Designate an A and a B. During the game, A will only say the word, "Watermelon."

B will respond with, "You seem_____."

A will respond only with the word, "Watermelon." Watermelon should be an authentic response to the impact they feel after hearing A share how they seem.